The young man paused. He had made his way halfway up the steep slopes of the great mountain that overlooked his village. It had taken him the better half of the day, and he was now doubting his ability to go all the way to the top. But he knew that no one else could do it, and he had to reach the top at any cost. His life depended on it. The whole village's life depended on it. He was the strongest man of his village, and had been chosen to undertake this seemingly superman task of reaching the top of the great mountain. He had to get there. He had to. He had to.
It was a bad year for the village. The rains had kept away that year, and there had been not even a hint of a cloud. The villagers had always lived in the shadow of the mountain, and the rolling hills surrounded them in all other directions. They were hemmed in from all directions, and lived off the land, while some of the more adventurous ones would venture into the jungles on the lower slopes of the rolling hills to hunt game. The jungles were taboo, for they were filled with ferocious beasts. And so, the villagers had lived separated from the outside world for as long as the oldest grandmother among them could remember. The rain gods had always smiled upon them, and the harvests had been good. But this year was bad. Real bad. Real real bad.
So as the food reserves dropped, and the water reservoirs dried out, they went to the oldest grandmother in the village, who told them of the tale which had been told her by her grandmother, and to her by her grandmother, and so on and so forth. And she said, "This tale I was told by my grandmother, that if ever the rain stopped, and hunger and death stared us in the face, the answer to our problems would be found at the top of the great mountain. There lives an old man who can make it rain."
The great mountain was revered by all the villagers for the shadow of its benevolent presence. It was sacred, and no one was to scale its slopes. But now someone had to. And after much debate and a lot of discussions, the strongest man was chosen to climb the mountain and find the answer.
So our champion climbed and climbed until finally he ran out of mountain, and he got up onto the peak and fell there in exhaustion. His lips parched and blackened from lack of water, his skin cracked from the fury of the noonday sun, he crawled slowly forward, and saw the mouth of a cave. He walked in. "Hey dude!! Want some booze?" a voice said.
The old man looked up from his glass and grinned. "Man, I'm glad for some company. It sure is boring up here, all alone by myself. Thank heavens for Amazon. I can at least drink as much as I want. Awesome delivery system they have."
"The tribe of mythical women? All us men dream of them."
"No, you doofus. The website."
"Oh, what's that?"
"Never you mind. It serves all my needs is all you need to know."
"Ok, ok. Let's get to business. Old man, make it rain."
"Rain, eh? But you haven't spoken the magic word."
"Magic word? But isn't that your job?"
"My job? What's my job?"
"To make it rain."
"Rain? Me make it rain? What do you think I am?"
"The old man of the mountain. You can make it rain. The oldest grandmother said so."
"Ohh. I'm sorry. It's been so long. I can't do it."
"What? But you must. We will all die otherwise."
"You won't. Stay here with me. Let's party. Screw the rest."
"I can't do that. They depend on me. You must do it."
"Sorry, bud. I can't. And I don't like your attitude, so I wouldn't even if I could."
"Aah so you can?"
"I never said that."
"Yes, you did. You said you could."
"Doofus!! I said 'if I could.'"
"Whatever! Do it."
"I'll kill you if you don't."
"Go ahead. Who will save your village then?"
"So you say that if you live you can?"
"Don't bug me, kid. Go back and die. I can't."
"Too bad then. I'll just kill you and take all this liquid lying around back to the village."
"It's beer you fool. And how will you take it back anyway?"
"I didn't think of that."
"Of course you didn't, you twat. Well, here's what I can do. Let's order a pipeline and a water connection, and I'll channel it through my cave out to your side of the mountain. We can create a waterfall and you will have your water too."
So that's what they did, and the village had water. The champion went back home. The old man leaned back in his chair, and sighed. He had a beer, and then decided to bathe. He entered the bathroom, and snapped his fingers. A cloud appeared over his head, giving him water to bathe in.